Overheard on the Number 4 (otherwise known as the 44, pre-‘simplification’, and not to be confused with the 4A or 44A).
“An ah’m no jokin, like, neither ah um, ah says tae her, Look, Naw Tracy hen, ah’m no pittin it away fur ye. Nuht. Ah’m no. Naw, ah’m no. Umurnae. Ah’ve telt ye ah don’t ken how many times, ah michta done it the wance, bit ah’m no daein it again. Naw. Naw, she disnae! Nuht. NUHT! Nuhin! Ah din three night shifts wae her last week so ah did an she’s jist Pure, Hert, LAZY, so she is. Whit? Whit? Naw, no aw on eh same nicht, ya dozy prick, three shifts in eh same week. Disnae dae owt but moan and puff an pant aboot the bit. Ah’m no even jokin, Boab, ah’ve seen cunts in aff eh broo fur a week dae mare work en aht. Dis nunhin bit whinge, whinge, whinge aboot aht man an ey fuckin weans ae hurs. Oor Kimberley ‘iss an Oor Lennon aht. Fuckin burst ye so it wid. Bad enough when ah’ve tae listenin tae ma Maw go oan en oan when ah go up eh road but Christ man ye’ve tae listen tae aht et yer work tae. Fuckin shockin. Aken! Aye, aht’ll be richt! Whit? Naw, well, aye, but naw, no that ah ken ae onywy. Aye. Fuck, NAW! Naw she’s no. She isnae! She’s NO. She micht have skelly een but aht disnae mean she’s a dafty for Christsake. Oor Diane had a squint and she wisnae stupit. She’s a teacher noo, ma Granny wis dead prood so she wis! Whit? Aye, Diane. Oor Diane! Know Stevo’s big brither? Aye sister, fuck, same diffurnce, ye ken whit a meant. Naw she wisnae. No she wis jist a *wee* bit skelly. Aye! HA! AYE! AHT WIS PURE FUNNY! AYE! An mind Gary sniffin ee’s fingers, gads! Pure brammer! Naw sssh, fuck, folk ur listnin. Naw. Boab, haw, aht’s ma cousin. Serious, man. Get aht rapped, ya minger! Whae? Naw, no way. Fuck ur! Ah says Tracy hen yer needin get a shift on, it’s only six hings ye’ve been asked tae pit away. SIX, Boab. Some ae us hid been in err fae eh backa seven ‘iss morning daein double shifts pitting twitty hings oot and she’s swanned in et ten and only gets eh four din and wants a fuckin haun ae eh rest?? Eh, NAW, Tracy. Ah says tae her, look, yer needin ae pu’ yer finger oot and get a fuckin move oan hen, we cannae be carryin deid weight every fuckin shift fur ye. Naw, did she fuck, she stertit greetin! Sake, man, make me look like a insensitive prick why don’t ye. Aye, ano! Typical. Staunin err wae tears poorin oot her skelly een. Fuck it, aht’s me nearly there, phone ma maw on eh hoose phone an tell her ae put ma tea oot fur me, ah’m pure starvin an ah’m runnin aboot on an empty stomach, ahm no wantin blootert. Ah’ll go daft if ah’ve tae go in early eh morra wae a hangower and listen ae aw aht pish again. Naw ah cannae man, ah’ve nae credit. Jeest dae it fur us. Phonur and tellur five ten past. Aye. Cheers mucka. Whit? WHIT? Ehhh… eh stinky stuff? Stilton or brie? Aye, fine. See ye eftah pal.”